22. Gayborhoods
2021Show notes
Mattie gives his hot takes on Elliot Page’s Met Gala suit, vocal training, and feeling comfortable in queer neighborhoods.
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Show Notes
Transcript
Tap a timestamp or any sentence to play from there · machine transcribed (mlx:mlx-community/whisper-large-v3-turbo), expect mistakesMattieHi, and welcome to another solo recording of Two Headed Girl, a show about gender, our minds, and all sorts of transitions. I'm Mattie Cox. I'm recording in my car where it is very hot and also probably a little noisy so that Alex can finish recording due by Friday in our apartment which is too small for us both to record at the
same time so I am making the sacrifice by uh sitting on my car recording which you know I don't mind. I have to take a shower anyway. In this episode, I'm going to talk about what it is like being out and queer post-pandemic, or I mean, we're still in the pandemic, but being out in the world more and how gender presentation feels after, you know, being stuck inside for over a
and what it's like just being perceived while being out. But first up at the top, I wanted to talk about Elliot Page at the Met Gala because I've been seeing, well, Alex and I have been seeing a lot of negative comments about how his suit looked. And I know we recorded a whole episode about Elliot Page and how people have been perceiving him since he came out, especially with his shirtless photo.
There's an episode we recorded all about it called Bored and Mean if you want to hear more about our hot takes on Elliot Page. one of the most ridiculous comments that I saw on a picture of his photo was that his suit didn't fit right because his tailor or stylist were transphobic and I just had to stop and take a breath for a moment and think about how ridiculous people are being about this because
in his interview with Oprah after coming out, he literally said that wearing dresses on the red carpet made him so uncomfortable and he felt so bad for his stylist at that time because he knew that the stylist was trying to make him feel comfortable, but there was no way he would be in a dress, but he didn't have the words to express how he was feeling at the time. Just the sheer joy on his face in that picture. Like who cares how his suit fits? He's out and happy and being
himself. People just need to find something else to complain about because I'm so tired. I feel like I just want to see more positive support in the community. And there's so much just negativity and it's sad and it's frustrating and I want to be able to go on the internet and enjoy things uh which I know sounds ridiculous especially if you're going on Twitter but yeah just wanted to drop my two cents that Elliot Page is looking fabulous and is happy
And that's all that should matter to other queer people in the community. Another thing at the top that I wanted to talk about, which I've talked about in the past, but haven't really brought up recently, is voice dysphoria. I hope to do an episode with Alex where we talk about the different pitches in our voices, different timbers to our voices, and how people perceive us differently. but I've actually been watching this YouTuber who is a voice teacher and her name is Hannah Bales
and she talks about how to sing from your chest voice and it's teaching me how to speak from my chest voice which is really interesting and cool and also helping me connect with my love of music again because I really liked playing piano and singing before I transitioned and I just haven't had the time or the effort and have had so much voice dysphoria just around speaking that I haven't really wanted to sing or haven't found like songs in my vocal range even though I do it just for fun
it's also a way that I de-stress like I used to play music really loud and and sing along really loud, like specifically to Hamilton and other musicals. And just the pitch of my voice has changed so much. And I haven't really done anything to embrace it or make myself like it more, which I know sounds weird, because as a trans man, I'm very lucky that testosterone does change the
pitch of my voice, unlike people that go on estrogen, where they have to do voice training if they want their voice to be a higher pitch. So I am very blessed in that I don't have to work at it technically. But it's it's just something that I've been practicing and something new in my life. And I'm excited about it. And hopefully, the next episode that Alex and I record together will be about that. Also in October, we are going to be doing three episodes where we watch three
different scary movies and talk about the queer characters in them and how they are treated. And I'm very excited because Halloween is my favorite holiday and Alex and I will be back to doing episodes together. So that will be very exciting.
Okay, now on to the actual topic at hand, which is emerging into the world post-pandemic and being out and about. I realized that we are still in the pandemic and I don't exactly know how to put it, but I guess there we had this little reprieve where everyone was getting vaccinated and could go out more and be social outside.
And it was like being inside for months and months and not having to be around normal people, straight people, non-queer presenting people. I mean, not normal, but people that aren't a part of the queer community was nice because there were no stares or looks or slurs. And I know that a fair amount of my friends and other people on the internet that I follow specifically experimented with gender and gender expression and pronouns and got really comfortable with it among their peers during lockdown.
but having to go out into the world is kind of like whiplash like get remind remembering that people do see you differently or perceive you differently and I am really lucky and that I am normally perceived as a cis gay man so you know I I have that working in my favor But it's just something about being out and sort of like jolts me back into reality almost when, you know, someone calls me a faggot or a tranny or whatever else they can call me or ask me if I'm a girl or a boy or what my pronouns are.
but in like a jeering way, like a mean way, like, uh, who are you? What are your pronouns? What are you? And getting that shit when I am happy and excited to be outside and enjoying the weather and seeing friends and working more, it makes me want to go back inside. You know, I really like being out and visible and proud. And I, for Pride Month, got this hat that I don't usually find
baseball hats that fit because I have a very small head. Not that that's important, but I got this hat that has a trans symbol on it. And I was wearing it out walking dogs. And I just got so many of the dirtiest looks. And it just sucked. It sucks real bad. And I guess I just want to express that I know what you're going through. If you became comfortable in your gender during quarantine and are now out and about and feel uncomfortable or uncertain or unsure,
like people suck. People just suck. And if you can't ignore them or can find support somewhere else, just remember that the entire world isn't like that. And it doesn't mean, if it makes you question your pronouns or your gender or second guess yourself, just remember that being isolated and inside is different. And in ways that I think we, as a queer community, can feel more
comfortable online finding support, it'll take a while to get used to it. Alex was talking about this the other day about how they haven't built up their outer shell, which is a protective layer that they need when going out in public to be able to just shrug off the stairs or the you're in the wrong bathroom, or the hate, which recently has been coming from cis teenage boys, which that
also sucks. But you know, teenagers, hopefully they'll grow out of it. I can, I can understand and make excuses for the youths, but not so much the adults that are being shitty. So recently, I started walking a dog that lives in Boys Town and I spent the last six days doing a house sit for him and for those of you that don't know that is the gay neighborhood in Chicago and they're
changing the name to be more inclusive I think they're just calling it like Halstead Town or something which is the name of the street but colloquially people my age and older know it as Boys Town. And it's just gay, everywhere gay, gay bars, gay restaurants, you see queer couples holding hands. And being in that neighborhood gives me such euphoria that after I've been out and about getting all this bullshit from people, I can just breathe and be myself and not have to
worry about how people are perceiving me. And I get to spend time with this little dog who is very happy and cheerful and it just being out and not worrying about what I'm wearing does this make me look less mask uh am I making my voice lower am I walking like like a cis man would all these different things that I have to worry about if I'm in other neighborhoods just because I want to be
perceived as, you know, a binary male, it's just, it's so much easier. It's so much more comfortable to the fact that Alex and I have been looking for places to live around there because it's just nice to be around your, you know, other queers. It's nice to be in a place where no one harasses you or gives you a second glance. Again, I realize I am extremely privileged and that in most areas,
I pass as a cis gay man and that this is, these are just my personal feelings. I get in my own head and I'm very self-conscious about the way I am or present myself or what I wear. um and I've actually had a lot of social dysphoria with packing uh which is you know wearing a silicone prosthetic that appears like a cis male bulge which we've talked about a couple times um
and I've packed every day in public since coming out of lockdown I've always had more social dysphoria than like internal dysphoria but it's definitely been worse since being out more and and it's almost weird to think about like that's not something I would need to do before and walking this dog and being out in Blacetown and being around other queer people and seeing
so many rainbows and trans flags just in every business, even the non, you know, gay bars and like queer bookstores and things like that. It just feels like a breath of fresh air. The episode that we just released about being in London during Pride, it almost feels like that. It's just being in a place that's home, even though it's not home, because there's an accepting community around me and around us. And Alex and I actually went out for dinner the other day
in that neighborhood and didn't feel uncomfortable hugging and kissing in public. Whereas if we were to visit our parents in the, you know, very Karen filled suburbs, we would be worried. We would be worried about, you know, hugging or kissing goodbye or showing signs of affection and especially Alex is a little more careful about that than I am. We've always kind of been that way in our relationship and it was so nice to just be on a
date and be able to show affection to the person that I love and not have to worry about getting hateful comments spat in our direction. And these past six days that I've been spending time in Boys Town and by the beach and just surrounded by every letter of the gay alphabet has been like a nice little vacation in a world where I want to say all, but I hope all,
but most queer people are accepted. And I don't know, it was just so nice. It really was a breath of fresh air to step away from the neighborhoods where I my existence is questioned like my presentation of myself and the way I feel comfortable is threatened like I can present how I want I feel like I don't have to act like a typical cis guy I don't have to put on this facade
of being more masculine because it doesn't matter. Like no one gives a shit, you know? Everyone is gay or if they're not, they don't worry about it. After top surgery, I never really expected to have this amount of social dysphoria ever again. I just thought it was like a one and done thing. And I know that of course that's not correct because sometimes people think that starting hormones will fix everything but it's like no that doesn't fix your underlying gender
issues or depression or body image issues for most people getting top surgery isn't a a fix-all for that stuff either but since top surgery I haven't been this self-conscious being outside in the world, especially when I'm working, because I love being with dogs and I'm usually so focused on like dog care and making sure the dogs are happy and training with them
that I don't think about other people because I am out walking in the world and there are more people out, I notice and hear all of the slurs and the weird looks and all of that, you know, more often. And it's ramped up my social dysphoria when I'm not in a queer space. And I wish there were more queer spaces. I wish it didn't have to be just one neighborhood and I
didn't have to travel 20 minutes to get there, which isn't super far. But I wish there could be more places everywhere that had a sense of queer community and acceptance. And I guess I agree with Alex in that like my outer skin of, you know, not caring or not noticing other people or not feeling self-conscious or social dysphoria, all of that has gone away because I've been just in contact
with my friends who are supportive, my family who is, you know, like 90% supportive, and Alex, who is my other half, so they better be completely supportive. So going out into the world and then realizing that, oh yeah, there are all these transphobes out here. And it's just kind of like jumping into a cold pool and that I didn't remember what it was like. And I realized I am super lucky
to have been in that point of my transition and gender therapy and just overall gender acceptance to be in that spot where I was out and about in, you know, the spring and didn't, didn't feel that as much, right? Having top surgery, I didn't have as much social dysphoria. And I was like, yeah, this is going to be great. Got my vaccine all ready to go. Going to go out in the world,
confident look at all these clothes I haven't gotten to wear because new summer clothes to wear outside since top surgery and then I was like oh yeah there are a shit ton of people that don't like queer people and that's why they're looking at me funny and it distracts me not only it puts me in a negative thought spiral but also distracts me from my work and that's not good like that sucks I love my job and I love giving my full attention to it when I am doing it. And I just wish there were more queer spaces. I wish there were more places to uplift the other members of our community, whether that be online or in person.
I think that's something that, you know, the queer community could use more of in general. I guess the point that I'm trying to make, which hopefully Alex and I can speak on more together, is that being outside more and being free to be out and having less social dysphoria, even if it's for just 25 minutes each day being in that neighborhood, getting to be myself and
breathe and not worry about my, the, how deep my voice is and what I'm wearing. It helps my mental health so much. It's literally like having a mini therapy session almost. I mean, I guess the, the gist, the TLDR, if you will, of this is Alex and I are very lucky and all are queer friends to have a gay neighborhood. And if you are listening and you are in a small rural town or in a place
without a gay neighborhood or a place that you feel is like a welcome community spot, especially because I know a lot of like queer community centers are still closed right now. I know ours is open as long as you are vaccinated and wear a mask, but it really sucks. And I hope that you can travel and explore, take a road trip and explore a gay neighborhood because until you experience
what it's like to be surrounded by other members of the Alphabet Mafia and just in a place not feeling like the odd person out. It's, I don't know, it's just a sense of community that I don't feel anywhere else. And I am very lucky and blessed to have a space in my city where I can experience that and not have any social dysphoria at all. Like, it's just, it's really nice. It's
great. That's, I think that's all I got. You can find me at Mattie R. Cox on Twitter. You can find Alex at Alex Cox on Twitter. You can find this podcast at twoheadedgirlfm on Twitter or email us at Gmail. We would love your scary movie suggestions for our special episodes in October. Remember to be safe, get vaccinated, wear a mask, and I hope you have a good rest of your September.
Thank you.