Two Headed Girl
Episode 9 artwork
Episode 9 · March 31, 2020 · 00:24:54

9. Queer Quarantine

This weekThis isn't a sad episode, we promise. Also, Alex forgot it was Trans Day of Visibility! Happy TDOV!
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Show notes

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This isn't a sad episode, we promise. Also, Alex forgot it was Trans Day of Visibility! Happy TDOV!

Show Notes


Transcript

Tap a timestamp or any sentence to play from there · machine transcribed (mlx:mlx-community/whisper-large-v3-turbo), expect mistakes

AlexI dragged you in here to record because we have not put out an episode in over a month.

MattieYeah, soon it'll be two months.

AlexOh wow, that doesn't make me hate myself.

MattieIt shouldn't. We've been doing a lot. Would you like to elaborate?

AlexWell, you had top surgery, so you got your boobs removed and now you just have pec muscles and there is...

MattieAnd some scabs.

AlexAnd some scabs, but there's also a pandemic going around.

MattieIt just hit two weeks since I got top surgery and I can like just sort of shower and dress myself. So you've been pretty busy.

AlexHere's the thing. I'm paranoid about a lot of stuff and being paranoid about coronavirus, also known as COVID-19, really paid off.

MattieYeah, it actually did. You had me buy a bunch of supplies before we left to get top surgery. So this was like March 7th and shit had not hit the fan yet.

AlexYeah.

MattieAnd so we stocked up on like two weeks of everything.

AlexYeah. We didn't do a hoarding situation.

MattieNo, no. We did it because I wouldn't be able to lift stuff after top surgery. So this was even before like the panic hit.

AlexAnd I did tell you, I'm like, just get an extra week of toilet paper and an extra week of water. and not because I think the water is going to be shut off. I just have to have bottled water because of my allergies because I'm that much of a nerd.

MattieWell, no, because otherwise you get sinus infections and it would suck to get one right now with what's going on because they probably wouldn't even treat you.

AlexNo, antibiotics so far are in pretty, like they're in good supply, but things are, I don't want to bum people out, But I've been feeling guilty about not releasing anything because other than the constant anxiety over a pandemic and me questioning my own gender and sexuality, there's also this issue of it's it's so.

MattieNo, tell me. I don't even know what you're going to say.

AlexI feel like I've had like podcasters block.

Mattielike I mean to be fair so we have two episodes that are almost completely ready to go and they just need to be mixed and not not just but I mean for this show we had a vision of a very

Alextightly produced really created like a very clear creative vision and for various reasons it's had to constantly change. Some of it beyond our control. Some of it, me, again, just being paralyzed with anxiety and it sucks. And I, a lot of people would say, oh, you don't need to apologize. But I want to apologize to you because when we stop making things, it makes me sad.

And especially right now in the world, people are creating and putting out more and more things.

MattieAnd I want to do that. I mean, I think we will. You've also, besides being a caretaker for the past two weeks, you've also been working, you know, full time on your own job and had a bunch to do. So I should really be pushing my, and I started this week so far, pushing myself to do more and edit more and slowly getting there.

AlexLuckily, I still have a job and I haven't been laid off, at least for now. And I see so much despair online and podcasts are getting me through or rather have gotten me through so, so much. I just want to put more stuff out.

MattieYeah.

AlexAre we OK? Are you OK with putting this out with very little or no editing? If I if I just do a rough like make sure the levels are OK.

MattieYeah, no, sure. I briefly want to talk about how I almost feel a little guilty putting out my top surgery journey and don't know if we should do it and should put out other stuff at this time because so many gender affirming surgeries have been postponed and people can't even like fill their testosterone right now. Even in Chicago, Howard Brown has a shortage of injectable testosterone and they're just giving out gel. And like my surgery could not have come at a better time. And I realized how lucky and blessed that I am because had it come two weeks, even just two weeks later.

AlexWe were in Michigan when the first person got diagnosed. And honestly, I think that I would have said, all right, nope. I mean, my doctor is still doing top surgery.

Mattiebecause he's not in a big hospital. But after, I think it's after April 17th, he's like pushed them off indefinitely. And it's just, I almost feel like I'll be flaunting it or something. Like I'm really uncertain. I wanna keep making it and edit that, but I think maybe push it off for a while because it's, I don't wanna like rub it in people's faces. Like I am incredibly lucky and grateful. I know you are. and i don't want to bum people out let's be real like so much is bumming people out that

maybe we'll even just release more like queer media and not release it necessarily on our uh patreon because i feel like those episodes are happier i mean i would like to keep our

Alexpatreon going because i've oh yeah you've been laid off dog walking is not seen as essential

Mattiewhen everyone's working from home and can walk their own dogs yeah so which is totally fair

AlexBut we're still lucky that you'll be able to file for unemployment and have extra time to recover. That's kind of nice. Yeah. While we're trying not to bum people out, but bumming people out, do you want to talk about some of the ways that we know how to basically take care of yourself in a gender type of way when you are under quarantine and you're stuck with in a place or with people that you don't particularly like?

I keep thinking about the folks who aren't out to their families or their roommates or, God forbid, the folks who are in a domestic violence situation or even just a...

MattieEmotional abuse, unsupportive family situation. Right. I feel like now more than ever, it's got to be other than the people and not belittling this, but other than the people that are in abusive situations. I feel like now more than ever, it's got to be easier to experiment with gender because you're in your home and can dress how you want and have, you know, refer to yourself if you're by yourself or with supportive people or with your roommates.

I've seen a lot of people just being like, fuck it and coming out online and like starting to live life as themselves because they're like hold up by themselves. And trans YouTubers are making lots of positive content. Like Jammy Dodger and Jackson Bird are both making a lot of positive trans YouTube content is coming out and articles and stuff to read. Despite the internet being a depressing and anxiety-inducing place right now, there's a lot of good stuff out there online if you want to find it.

AlexI've actually found that people are being more positive in their kind of day-to-day posting. Like, they're obviously, you know, posting news stories about COVID and coronavirus and stuff. But it feels like people are being nicer to one another. But I also if I was in in a place by myself or or God forbid I was at home with my parents when when you're doing the type of like if once you tell people like, OK, now is my alone time.

If you can shut a door, you, oh man, I, I would shut the door and just never wear a bra. Like if I was at home with my parents, be like, nope, I'm just, uh, yep. I'm doing my homework behind in my bedroom and put on some pants and put on a shirt that I enjoy and not.

MattieGender affirming clothes. Yeah. Like exploring your closet and finding gender affirming clothes. there's been a lot of online again like binder and packer giveaways and like trans run trans websites are like discounting prosthetics and stuff like that um and still shipping them out just because they know that people can be in shitty situations and it can be a really stressful

Alextime so that's been really really cool yeah a lot of places are discounting dresses too and bras for trans women. And it just, it makes me happy because yes, you could go the pessimistic route and say, well, this is just advertisement for when everything goes back to normal. They're still, I just want you to remember them and get their business. It's like, well,

Mattieyeah, you got to buy your stuff somewhere. So why the heck not? Like, yes, I don't, we're,

Alexwe don't want to spend money when you know in this economy but getting back to talking about

Mattielike what kind of content you would want to put out and hear yourself I think I would want to make like I want to make a list of like book recs and like talk about queer positive queer art that's out there because people do have all this time now most of us so it'd be good to have things art that I could search out that would make me happy and not just I was not prepared for this

Alexbut immediately two things come to mind do you want me to share and then you can think of a thing or two yes so so a couple weeks ago I read Laura Jane Grace's book Tranny and I know a lot of people have a issue with that word and it's loaded but I have been called a lot of slurs including that one and it's I think really refreshing to just see that on a cover of a book and say yeah

people hate us sometimes this is what we're called even though we're not sure if we belong under the trans umbrella such as someone like me uh but it's a really kind of depressing book and goes through her life as like up through her transition like the end of the book she is taking um hormones for the first time wow and yeah and the reason i'm recommending it is because sometimes

you don't want media that is completely feel good you know like the kind of stuff where it's sort of like uh yes well yes like the the cheesy like memes that are that that are a little cringe to me that you post online but some people really like and enjoy but uh for example I've been listening to interviews with the writer of World War Z which is a zombie pandemic uh science fiction book and I it's it's kind of I don't know it's like comforting and so reading Laura Jane Grace's

book and blasting her album transgender dysphoria blues over and over again the past few weeks yeah has just made me feel like oh yeah other people are angry and it's okay for me to be angry especially the way doctors treat her because the way doctors are treating people right now kind of suck yeah it's awful would you like me to move on to my other piece of well i was gonna to say it's not depressing but i i guess it i'm just going to say if you like sort of cheesy stuff

and you like musicals and you hate landlords you should watch uh that would work too uh but but you should check out the movie rent which is now on netflix I also encourage you to pirate things share passwords you mean the movie uh rent like the

Mattiefilmed broadway version not the nope oh well that one's better and it's also available it's also

Alexavailable it's a little harder to find and if you can't pay for it it pirate it like nobody like five dollars though so no because I uh gifted it to somebody and it's like it's not a ton of money But I would say whenever I pirate something, I try to see who who is getting the money if I purchase the thing. And I don't think that anybody is getting money from this. Like Anthony Rapp isn't getting a check because you're buying the 10th anniversary filming of Rent.

You know what I mean?

MattieI love you. I actually like it, too. So no judgment. I mean I wasn't prepared for this but I do have a list of queer books that I want to read

Alexwait no no no let's you got to do things you actually read or actually seen

Mattieoh like recommend actual things yes that that I've experienced yes uh can I recommend Sorted by Jackson Bird heck yeah I want to recommend Sorted by Jackson Bird it is great there's lots of Harry Potter references and it's about an FTM transgender journey and he's a nerd and I love it

AlexI like that oh I just got it sorted like yeah there we go this was written before

MattieHarry Potter was super problematic by the way so just just forget that part and enjoy it it it was

Alexwritten before jk rowling finally came out as a turf right right which we all knew but uh one thing i like about jackson's work actually is he doesn't go for the straight argument of oh yeah you can always separate the art from the artists but goes is like yeah things are complex and stuff is hard so the harry potter community is so great and it sort of sucks that the creator is a turf and doesn't understand a lot of things about the world.

But, you know, older women who are, I think she's a billionaire.

MattieYeah, probably.

AlexBillionaires aren't people. Like, they just can't. They just can't. Like, how can you?

MattieWe're getting off on a tangent now.

AlexWell, but no, I don't know if it's a, it's very revelant to the world we live in now.

MattieBecause billion.

AlexWhat did I say?

MattieRevelant.

Alexit is very relevant to the world we're living in right now yeah that's fair i agree i don't know

Mattieif i have any more recs because i haven't been exposing myself to enough queer media

Alexsee i see see yeah exactly because we have uh well i'm gonna make you start to read laura jane Grace's biography but uh I mean that's because there isn't that much out there by non-binary and trans people who aren't sort of in the YouTube club do you know what I mean yeah that's true it's

Mattiebeen already established YouTubers making a lot of content but you should check out Jamie Dodger because he's been putting out uh Jamie Raines has been putting out a lot of great content with his

Alexwife Shaba he's always so positive and super great and it's just like a happy little five

Mattieminutes of your life so I recommend it and he is positive in the face of adversity yeah and it's

Alexreally hard to do that right now it's hard for me how are you holding up I think since I'm so

Mattiefocused on recovering I was going to be inside most of the time for these next two weeks anyway so I it hasn't really hit me yet as far as like being stir crazy and cooped up right this was my recovery plan anyway yeah so give me another week and we'll see how it is once I have my energy back because yesterday I walked for 20 minutes and I was exhausted afterwards I wanted to take another

Alexnap because my body is healing so how has being locked in here with me been great I that I'm sorry

Mattiethat was a pause that sounded like sounded like it wasn't great but I am I don't know how I would be without you like I am less depressed and less anxious because I have you you're my best friend so I was not fishing for compliments I was answering honestly and also if we didn't have pets I'm not supposed to mention the cats but no you're not supposed to be distracted by the cats while recording if we did not have an animal I would make us go out and get an animal and like foster a dog or something because if I did not have furry things to love I would be going crazy

and I am missing the dogs that I walk so much do you have any advice for people who are you know

Alexdoing a self-imposed quarantine and aren't leaving the house and are stuck in with their parents or

Mattietheir partner their partner that they don't like is that what you're implying either or both try to get some time to yourself just if you can physically get some space or mentally and emotionally get some space and give yourself your own time to do something you like so that you don't get driven crazy by either your parents your partner or your roommate i am a big proponent of

Alexjust saying hey i need bubble time right now pretend that i'm in a bubble and you cannot reach me or talk to me like when I am in bubble time if you need to talk to me you text me and I

Mattiereally appreciate that yeah or I tap you on the shoulder and wait I actually don't like that it startles me oh I guess like in that vein of things we say this a lot on this podcast having an open line of honest and clear communication so you don't drive each other crazy that's the key to any good relationship, let alone one that's made more stressful by quarantine. I think having a

Alexcheck-in at the end of every day is good too. Like, hey, what do you think or feel right now? Or what do you need? Yes, that's very, very smart. Because sometimes I tell you, I just need to shut

Mattiemy brain off right now. And that's, yeah, that's also very smart. You're right. It's now 7.37 p.m.

AlexWhat do you need from me right now?

MattieFood because I get hangry and a break from my compression, my post-op compression vest so I can take a deep breath. Those are my needs as of this evening. What are your needs for me this evening?

AlexI think I need to go into a transparent bubble so that you can still see me, but maybe not talk to me while I play Animal Crossing.

MattieI was going to say, you need to play some Animal Crossing, don't you?

AlexYeah. also play animal crossing it's great or or minecraft or anything that is monotonous and just but distracting and relaxing but you can also interact with other people right right yeah

Mattielike your friends or you're not real friends but your little happy animal friends

AlexI was gonna say wait my real friends or I mean both uh do you have a favorite animal crossing neighbor yet i only have two right now oh okay so my favorite neighbor across the entire series is drake but i'm really digging what kind of animal he's a duck um he's kind of like the opposite of me except that i think he's kind of a stoner and he likes snacks so i sounds like a

Mattieperfect quarantine buddy unless they eat all the snacks which we have been doing yeah yeah that's

Alexanother piece of advice rash ration snacks not don't eat all your snacks oh because then you're just left with the healthy stuff and it makes you sad popcorn and healthy chips oh and then you just end up ordering pizza but you know what supporting the local economy we are supporting our local

Mattiepizza place tonight my i only have two animal crossing neighbors but my favorite is like the roller derby uh donkey kong looking gorilla oh the giant lesbian gorilla yeah her name is rocket she wears like a pink race car outfit yeah and a help is she wearing a helmet yep pink race car

Alexoutfit and helmet i think that is a uh roller derby uniform i don't think it's a race car

Mattieuh she always says room though her her little catchphrase is vroom vroom yeah

AlexOh, I want her to, I'm going to come to, I might have to come to your island tonight and visit her. Do it.

MattieYou should come visit Phoebe. She's super cool and chill. Is that your stoner friend?

AlexNo, she's like a crane, I want to say. Wow, this would be confusing if people don't know what Animal Crossing is. But if you haven't, wow, you're in for a delightful treat.

Mattiealso sorry sorry about this three minute uh discussion of animal crossing i love it so much it is very peaceful and lovely and we all need that right now in our lives a little peace

Alexand loveliness that's such a good way to end oh i guess i'm just gonna do the outro live uh we really appreciate you checking out this episode of Two Headed Girl if you're enjoying the show please share it with a friend and you can visit us at patreon.com slash twoheadedgirlfm which directly supports the show if you'd like to hear more head over to twoheadedgirlfm.com or subscribe wherever you find podcasts including our favorite independent app overcast made by

marco arment who wait wait i wanna i wanna do the who wait say marco arment because that's really hard for me by marco arment who has very good taste in bluths and should visit our my minecraft server um and hey i know that you're out there taking care of each other and you're doing a great job we will all get through this thanks again for listening

take care of each other bye bye

Speaker ALet's shake down all the trees And find something good to eat

Take a walk down by the beach And feel the sand beneath our feet Pick up all the shells we can carry

9. Queer Quarantine 0:00 / 00:24:54